Finding My Joy

February 15, 2019

Earlier today, I overheard a man comment on how joyful and happy I was.  Me! I knew that what he said was true, because I could feel the joy bubbling up inside of me. My vibration was different.


If he had seen me a few weeks ago, I would have been unrecognizable.


For the past year or so, I can honestly say that I felt like I was physically dying inside.  I was so deeply unhappy with the direction of my life that I couldn't seem to get unstuck. Every dream for my life was not working in the space that I was in.  I couldn't make money to save my life.  I had these huge dreams and passions, but they didn't fit in my current location and no matter how hard I tried to re-create them in another place, they didn't fit there.  So last week, I did the only thing possible, I pivoted.  I stopped forcing myself to make it work, in a place that I knew I no longer belonged, and decided to claim sovereignty over my life.  


Sometimes we don't know all the right steps to take, but we intuitively know that we can no longer go forward in the wrong direction. Sometimes we need to go backwards, in the right direction. So I took the next right step for our lives and I have been filled with so much joy and happiness!  For anyone else, it was illogical, but for me, it was the only solution.  I knew that I couldn't spend another second doing the same things and expecting different results.  That was a ticket to reliving a year where nothing worked.



We all have different priorities for our life, things that we need and that's ok!  We are all created differently.  For some that is a consistent routine, stable employment, or a big home.  None of that has ever mattered to me.  I want to feel present, joyful, playful.  I crave travel and adventure.  I will decrease every worldly possession if it means that I get to be present for my child, while he's young.


I know that my son is only getting older and so much of his early years were filled with the stress of trying to keep up with societal expectations.  I was independent and successful at my business, yet was I really happy?  I made enough to support us and have a good life, but I couldn't travel or see my family in New England, because I barely had anything leftover after my rent and utilities, food, expenses, and weekly entertainment.


I refuse to go back to that place.  For years I've desired a location independent business and to travel with my son.  It's now or never.


I want to create a life that decreases that stress for my family, by decreasing my cost of living, and allowing us to enjoy our lives.  There is so much of this world that I want my son to see and I feel like everything is time sensitive.  There is a certain window for him to still enjoy kid's museums or want to hang out with me.  Now is the time and I can't waste another second.


If you feel like your soul is dying, what do you need?  Determine that and move towards it.  How many years will you continue to ignore your intuition or wait for the perfect timing?  It's like having a child, there is never a perfect time.


If you were to die tomorrow, what would you regret not doing more of? What would you wish you had spent less time on?  I know that I will never wish that I had checked Facebook more, saved up for retirement, or gotten out of debt.  I'd miss playing with my child, being present, seeing the world.  Do people really believe that God created us to wake up each day, work a 9 to 5, and live for the weekend?  I just don't buy it.  And I won't.



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