At the end of 2017, I was in a very dark place. My world had fallen apart, I lost family, friends, and my community that year. I just felt so lost, completely alone, and terrified of what the future would bring.
On my 36th birthday, I was in a coaching call with my intutuitive coach, Cara Mendez , and she was asking me how I felt. I can't remember all the details or how the call unfolded, *so don't quote me Cara!* but I recall characterizing myself as a "struggling single mom".
Cara helped me uncover the limiting beliefs behind that and how I was holding onto that label as a way to repeatedly victimize myself. That belief served me. It allowed me to remain stuck. To identify as a victim, instead of reclaiming my power and breaking free of the patterns of abuse and putting the blame on someone who had a huge role in the devastation, but who was someone that I knew couldn't be the person that I needed them to be for my child. And by doing so, I was able to hold on energetically to that same person, instead of breaking free.
Instead of claiming my power, like I had done so many times before, I just stood there and waited for someone, anyone, to save me.
I decided in that moment that I was no longer going to allow myself to give my power away. If anyone was going to be responsible for my struggle, I was going to own that shit or get rid of it.
Instead of feeling like life was a constant struggle, I was going to find my joy, by rediscovering my past, and what brought me joy as a child.
I started to create space, by detaching from the emotional and physical clutter that was no longer serving the woman that I was becoming. Or maybe unbecoming like my friend, and the best intuitive branding genius, Mich Lundgren says.
When I re-branded my business to Sovereign Motherhood from The Attached Caregiver, I wasn't really clear why I was choosing the word Sovereign or that description for my business. It wasn't even a word that I had ever used, but it came up in my search for antonyms to the word "struggle". It was perfect and the longer I used it, the more I longed to identify as a Sovereign Mother, instead of a "Struggling Single Mom"
I have been exploring the meaning behind sovereignty and why I intuitively chose that word, along with the crown logo with the equal sided cross. My research, led me to my ancestors, the Celts.
All the themes of my life this year are in the legends of the Celtic goddesses, the matronae. The number 1 and 3 that keep appearing, 444, the cross, the pull towards returning to a nature based life. The drive to truly know myself, my true self. To find the power within, silencing myself to follow my intuition, and delving into how it relates to my faith in God and Jesus.
As women, we were once revered, powerful, sovereign, but we have lost our true nature in the struggles of life and within the roles that we have been pressed into. We don't even know what we want anymore. We have lost our ability to hear our inner guides, and instead of looking inward, we are looking outward for answers. Instead of being valued for our ability to bring forth life into the world, we apologize for it "I'm just a mom".
We need to remember who we are.
In my research, I found this article on
The author eloquently described their sacred role:
“In mythology the goddess of sovereignty is a mighty queen; she dispenses justice and aids the worthy, all in service to the land and its people. But how does this figure of the divine queen translate in today's spirituality? The Great Queen, in all her forms, may not be testing kings in today's world; instead she offers us a different challenge. As the goddess of sovereignty, the Morrigan challenges us to champion ourselves, to claim the sovereignty of self.
Too often in life we forget to recognize our own power, our right to steer the directions of our lives. Sometimes we hand our power over to others; perhaps we have been learned to rely on other people and not ourselves, or we are afraid to take control of our lives, or maybe we have handed our power over to another out of love. Perhaps we feel too shy to speak our true feelings, or feel like the course of our lives is out of our control. Whether we have relinquished our personal power within a relationship, in our careers, or just in life in general, the Great Queen calls to us to reclaim our sovereignty.
Beverly Moon and Elisabeth Benard relate the world "sovereign" to the Sanskrit sva-raj, which means "self-rule" or "self-ruler." Another meaning of raj is "luminous" or "radiance," thus there is a connotation that sovereignty is not only ruling over one's self but being in the state of "self-luminescence" or letting our inner radiance shine through. When we self-rule our lives we do not leave our fates up to others. Empowered by this aspect of the goddess we can bravely reshape ourselves and our lives into what we desire.
As the sovereign-hag she appears to us when we need to break down the barriers that hold us back in life. She tests our strength, and teaches us to rely on the power within. As the queen she teaches us the necessity of action. If we wish to bring change into our lives, then at times, like Macha, we must go to battle and stand up for what we believe in. When we have learned to call upon our inner strength, she appears as the beautiful maiden, offering us the wealth of the land and the fruits of our hard earned labors.
While the great queens of mythology are often cast as villains, they teach us a vital truth. When we embrace the mysteries of the sovereign queen we embrace our own inner power, letting it shine radiantly into all aspects of our lives. The ancient queens of myth and legend took power into their own hands, and fought fiercely to maintain it. No matter the situations they remained resolutely true to themselves. Through self-rule they shaped the course of their stories, just as we can re-shape our own.”
Just like the queens of mythology, I have embraced my power, let go of my need for approval, and I have stepped into the role of a fierce protector of my kin. This has been my journey so far this year and I am finding myself along the way. From the ashes of the detached, unhappy, struggling (single)mother, the connected, content, sovereign mother is being born.
As for you?
You need to remember who you are, Queen.
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In what ways have you given away your power and how are you overcoming it? Comment below!