No one argues that we want to be better parents than the generations before us.
We are always evolving and sometimes that means awakening to the fact that maybe we need to get back to the basics.
Maybe our ancestors had it right.
Attachment/Intuitive/Conscious...whatever you choose to call it.. Parenting is exactly that. Letting go of the rules, the parenting books, the advice of previous generations, and leading from our inner guidance.
But when we become parents and we decide how we want to treat our children, why is it so damn hard for our actions to match our intentions?
Pregnancy and childbirth were so intuitive for me. I felt like I was spiritually led down a path where all of my choices lined up with becoming the mother my child needed. It was easy.
Then parenting happened.
I believed in following your child's cues, being nurturing and responsive, guiding them from a place of love, rather than fear.
And then I'd do the exact opposite when my needs were threatened.
My life was filled with stress, chaos, responsibility, and shit from childhood that I had never dealt with.
If you haven't healed your own wounds, then parenting consciously, with respectful discipline, can feel like one huge, guilt filled, parenting journey. Many of us aim to be different and more intentional, but fail to emphasize the importance of creating balance and our holistic health.
Principle 8: Strive for Balance in Your Personal and Family Life. This. This is the crucial step. If you aren't focusing on this step, then your actions and intentions will not line up.
It goes beyond the regular date night or afternoon off. Finding balance is creating day to day actions that will holistically heal you, so that parenting with love, respect, and nurturing guidance flows naturally.
Our lifestyle and the world we live in no longer match up with that of our ancestors. We are trying to follow our intuition and mold the lives of our children, yet we have so many things vying for our attention, that we can't even focus on our children or heal ourselves.
I remember the days when I was struggling constantly. I would have the best intentions, I knew the mother that I wanted to be, but I was constantly stressed and reacting.
I felt detached, unhappy, and like everything was a constant struggle. What I wanted to feel was connected, content, and sovereign. I wanted to feel like I was living an easy, empowered life.
The problem was three-fold:
1) My life was filled with tasks, clutter in all areas of my heart and home. I found myself constantly cleaning, organizing, and reacting when my home felt chaotic.
I had little time to care for myself, so my parenting came from a place of lack and resentment.
2) I was not guided by my Higher Power, God, and did not have spiritual practices in place that gave me strategies for self-love or personal healing.
How can you guide your children in love and acceptance, if you are unable to love and accept yourself? How can you forgive their mistakes, if you live in constant shame and guilt over your own?
How can you parent differently if you haven't replaced the old programs or tracks from your childhood?
3) I was not happy. My life, my day to day actions, were not in alignment with my purpose. I was allowing toxic relationships to create chaos in my life and steal my energy. I was doing work that allowed me to stay home with my child, but was not allowing me to use my true gifts and was not bringing me closer to my goal of being location independent.
I was able to work for myself, but didn't have the freedom to pick up and go camping or travel to visit family.
So how do you create balance in your life? How do you parent from a place of love and intuition? How do you become the parent that you want to be?
I didn't need to search for an answer, I needed to become a different person, which involved listening to my needs.
I needed to decide that things were going to change and then follow through on setting boundaries with myself and everyone in my life.
I wanted to fix our lives, fix my child. I would read a million parenting books trying to find a solution, but the solution was found within myself.
Balance no longer became an after thought, it became the most important step in healing myself and my family.
Most importantly, I decided that I deserved joy and happiness. It was ok to say yes to myself.
1) Simplify. Downsize, cut out clutter from your home, detach from people that suck your energy.
Detach from anything that doesn't bring you closer to the highest version of yourself.
With less stuff, you have less to do and you will have time to focus on the next step...
2). Focus on yourself. Personal development is key. Read more, be in nature more, trust a Higher Power, connect with your intuition.
You don't need weekly date nights or hours alone, you can incorporate self care into spare minutes and simple routines. You can even involve your kids if you can't find time, which creates memories, bonding, and models self-love. In fact, I argue that daily self-love is much more important than girl's night or a weekend away.
3) Decide what you want your life to look like. Create a life you love now, instead of waiting to enjoy your life when you're retired and your kids are grown.
It is possible, and worth the sacrifices and going up against the norm and the naysayers, to create a life that is in alignment with your needs.
Incorporate activities you love and monetize your skills and experience in work that brings you closer to the life you desire.
If you find yourself stressed, parenting from a place of lack, and reacting to your kids, look at your life. Look at yourself. Decide where things aren't lining up. Acknowledge when you aren't caring for yourself.
It's often the crucial step to becoming the mom you want to be and I guarantee parenting becomes easier. Our children feed off of our energy and react to our stress.
If you aren't being loving with yourself, how can you expect to love anyone else the way they deserve to be loved.
Attachment/conscious parenting involves the whole family. And Principle 8 makes all the other principles feel easy.
Every day isn't rainbows, I still struggle with stress and frustration, but now I have the awareness and skills to fix things when they are off.
If you need to get back to your center and things feel out of control, subscribe to my newsletter here. You will receive a free printable PDF with the strategies that I used to get back to my center. It includes my morning and evening routine, affirmation prompts, and tips to create a life you love.
Click HERE for a printable bookmark to remind you to create a life you love!