Sometimes everything needs to fall apart, to fall back together.

December 13, 2016

I've been thinking a lot lately... what am I passionate about, what do I want my life to look like, and what direction do I want my business to go?  I've spent the last 5 years as a single mom, just trying to stay afloat and support my family so that I could continue to stay home with my son.  As soon as I'd secure the right job, my finances would start to feel secure and I felt things falling into a rhythm, something would eventually change and my stability would start to crumble.  


These past 6 months have been the hardest days of my life.  My childcare business, the future I had for my family, was no longer working for my son and I had to re-assess everything and make it work for him.  Here's the thing, I've heard this analogy a million times, "you need to put your oxygen mask on first, before you can help anyone else".  I needed to take care of myself in order to take care of him, but I didn't have the ability to step back and see that.  Now that things have settled, I am able to focus on my own self-care so that I can be the best mother for him.  For me, that means reading, taking time out to go to the gym for yoga and my favorite weight lifting class, and really focusing on finding emotional and financial stability while raising a child by myself.  


So last month, when I received a knock on my door and was greeted by childcare licensing, because someone had viewed my website and reported that I was over ratio, the final straw fell.  The reports were unfounded, the pictures they reported were of my kids mixed in with other children in our homeschool community, but in that moment, I felt the fear that I could lose everything that I built. Over the past few months, I've had to drop days, lose families, and dog sit, to help Calvin get back to a place of normal.  My childcare business was slowly disintegrating and I didn't have the capacity to focus on anything beyond each moment and how to get my son back to a place of calm.  I went from almost $4000 months, to not being able to pay my bills.  But this person, whoever they are and whatever they were trying to accomplish, did the exact opposite.  Initially I was in shock  

and then the answers started to unfold.  


My passion is to help parents bond with their children, give them opportunities for self care, and ultimately, to help other moms, especially single moms, find ways to stay home with their children while financially supporting themselves.  And that includes ME.  While I have built a great program, I'm one family away from not being able to survive.  My Adventure Playgroup needs to be just part of my business, the part that provides structure to our day and gives Calvin opportunities to learn and free play with his friends.  The second part is providing services that will help families feel more organized and stable, while providing a second income stream for my own family.  The third part is creating opportunities for other mothers to obtain a living wage so that they can stay home with their babies if they choose.  And finally, where my passion truly lives....teaching parents skills that will promote attachment in the early years and helping other single moms find ways to stay home with their babies, while creating financial and emotional stability within their families.  


It's always in those moments when everything seems to be crashing down, that everything falls into place.  

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